After my stundent-directed play, on Valentine's Day, I had crew conditioning work out. From now on, I'd focus on Academics and Sports. well, Ms.Dettwhiler and Mrs.Fluharty suggested me to join in the upper school musical as a musician this year. I really want to, but unfortunately the schedules could be doublepacked at the same day and my homestay parents are reluctant to give me a ride after school like that late because of thier work.(somehow they just don't feel like to do that.) Anyway, I will match my two schedules and figure out if it works for me. Hopefully I'd not be exhausted by the end of the day and fall on the bed right away after I get home.
First thing that I have to solve is to find my new homestay family by myself as soon as possible. The thing is it is really hard to ask to one of my friends or teachers. As for me, I am really passionate to learn driven by my own curiosity, but I don't want to show my defects and weakness to somebody, especially to whom I really like. I am afraid of their possible disappointment even though they wouldn't. Probably it came from my parents. I know they expected me a lot and they have the right to do because they are supporting me eventually. So I have to show them the result, very, very, excellent one to satisfy them. I don't blame them. It's somehow my fault to make them expect me a lot. I'm not showing enough. I am not working as hard as they want me to. What's driving me to study?
After school, Kyle gave me Kisses chocolate figure box which had some chocolates too, and a valentine card. I didn't prepare anything for him though. We haven't seen each other a while...well just three days but, I was really busy for the performance and Kyle had ski racing in somewhere I've never heard of. So I was really happy not because he gave me some chocolates but because we could hang out with even just for 20 minutes. Kyle said he could give me a ride but he changed his words because of his enormous homeworks to do and he had to pick up Korey after Korey's play practice. Ahhh, well I was a little expecting if I could've go to Kyle's house. well, then I decided to work out and ask to Kalan to give me a ride to home.
But unfortunately, Kalan couldn't. Because she has to get her house early for going out dinner with her familly on Valentine's day. So I called Kyle and asked carefully and pitifully if he could give me a ride. Can't imagine how he would be unconfortable to take that request. But eventually he did. well, only I could feel sorry to him. I never wanted to ask him what he really doesn't want to.(at least he is reluctant to) Of course, I really appreciated his favor though.
When I got my home, well I just thanked him for giving me a ride and wished he could finished his homeworks tonight. I don't know....I really feel love from my heart toward him. and sometimes I can't control it myself and burst my tears in the whole night, especially of weekends. I don't tell him this though. If I did, he would be sorry for me or dislike me in any way. It's my negative insanity that I don't wanna show him. It's the dark side of me. Sometimes I used to show him my dark side on summer and after the vacation. I could be consoled from him ,but It would make it worse that I'd more dependent on him and if he can't stay with me, I wouldn't stand with his absence. He's thinking that I show myself to him almost openly. Somehow, it's true because he is the only person that I can tell anything so honestly.
I never know what he'd think about me in his mind. He's quite opento me, but it's the same openness to everyone else. (I'm not telling that I don't feel special) Just wondering, even though I don't belong in his own community, and there is always the limitation of our communication that we can never overcome in a short time, why would he still want me to be his girlfriend? I'm not saying that I love him because he loves me. I love him just because of who he is. This would never uncover unless he gives me the answer.
First Valentine's day that I have my Valentine. I'm really happy that Kyle is my happiness in my life. well, not always, because sometimes he is the reason for my tears at night. (: P) hahaha
From the opposite spot on Earth, we finally met. This is the coincidence or our destiny? Totally different background, but what makes us being together? Whatever drove me in love, I just found you and I will love you until my heart stops beating.
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